Ten Writing Tighteners Series: Dead-weight Words

Photo by crabchick

My first novel’s rough-draft page count was 402. That’s a reasonable length for a novel, right? After all, many books gracing my shelves contain well over that number of pages. What I didn’t understand is page count isn’t what agents and editors are interested in when considering a manuscript. It’s all about word count (and quality writing, of course.)

Photo by Horia Varlan

If words had weight, my book would've been hospitalized for morbid obesity. It weighed in at a hefty 171 thousand words. The fact that I'd written a novel, and one of such impressive length, made me as happy as a bird with a french fry. Then I almost had a heart attack when my research told me I’d have to cut it by half in order to even get a passing glance from agents or editors.

HALF!

As Sr. Airman Rivera, my Air Force TI*, used to say, “You have GOT to be shittin’ me!”

How could I hack my word count without gutting my story?

I needed to tighten it. Among other qualities, tight writing consists of as few words as possible. Too many will bog down the prose, causing readers to labor unnecessarily to get to the point. Tightening can be as simple as dumping dead-weight words.

Dead-weight words are fillers writers add that aren’t missed when removed. Authors can use the find function on their word processor to locate and eradicate most of these words from their manuscripts.

Some Dead-weight Words:

About

I jotted down everything I could remember about my kidnappers, the place they held me, and their car.

I jotted down details of my kidnapping.

Adjectives (descriptive words)

The hairy little alien started wriggling around trying to free itself from his grasp.

The alien wriggled to free itself from his grasp. (see started below)

Adverbs (pesky –ly words)

The monster was definitely closing in.

The monster closed in.

All

Why couldn’t they all just get a freaking-clue?

Why couldn’t they get a freaking-clue? (see just below)

Almost

My cut-offs are so long they could almost be considered capris.

My cut-offs are so long they could be considered capris.(see could below)

Around

I turned around when the explosion shook the ground.

I turned when the explosion shook the ground.

 Photo by @Doug88888

Back

I went back out to saddle the hippo.

I went to saddle the hippo. (see out below)

Been

I’ve been waiting for almost a year to ride the tortoise.

I’ve waited for almost a year to ride the tortoise.

Began, Begin, Begun

The fifty-foot bunny was getting closer to me and my heart began to pound.

The fifty-foot bunny got closer and my heart pounded. (see was below)

Being

My own screams coincided with the snap and crunch of my bones being broken.

My own screams coincided with the snap and crunch of my breaking bones.(see own below)

Could

My cut-offs are so long they could almost be considered capris.

My cut-offs are long enough to be capris. (see almost above)

Down

He counted down, “Three, two, one!”

He counted, “Three, two, one!”

Photo by Melbourne Water

Even

There was even a platypus milk machine.

There was a platypus milk machine.

(For more showing, less telling: The platypus milk machine fascinated me.)

Going

I didn’t know how I was going to wrestle a unicorn into the horse trailer.

I didn’t know how to wrestle a unicorn into the horse trailer.

Got

We got back to the North Pole and everyone piled out of the sleigh.

At the North Pole, everyone piled out of the sleigh.

Had

I had on my Princess Leia outfit.

I wore my Princess Leia outfit. (see on below)

Have to

I have to keep telling myself I know what I saw.

I keep telling myself I know what I saw.

It

It took only a few more seconds to pass, and the dragon landed in the burned out crater.

A few more seconds passed and the dragon landed in the burned out crater. (see more below)

 Photo by Auntie P

Just

Why couldn’t they all just get a freaking-clue?

Why couldn’t they get a freaking-clue? (see all above)

Me

I looked around me.

I looked around.

More

A few more seconds passed and the dragon landed in the burned out crater.

A few seconds passed and the dragon landed in the burned out crater.

Off

I took myself off to the troll’s bridge.

I went to the troll’s bridge.

On

I had on my Princess Leia outfit.

I wore my Princess Leia outfit. (see had above)

Only

The water was only about five feet deep.

The water was five feet deep.

Out

I went back out to saddle the hippo.

I went to saddle the hippo. (see back above)

Over

I crossed over to the giant panda.

I crossed to the giant panda.

Own

My own screams coincided with the snap and crunch of my bones being broken.

My screams coincided with the snap and crunch of my breaking bones. (see being above)

Quite

It was quite difficult to slay the monster.

It was difficult to slay the monster.

Rather

I woke on the floor and thought it rather strange.

I woke on the floor and thought it strange.

Real/ly

There was a really big dude dressed as the Easter Bunny.

There was a giant dude dressed as the Easter Bunny. (See there below)

Right

The wildebeest looked me right in the eyes.

The wildebeest looked me in the eyes.

Seem

I can’t seem to get the damned gum out of my hair.

I can’t get the damned gum out of my hair.

So

The aliens came so swiftly and in such quick succession we couldn’t kill them fast enough.

The aliens came swiftly and in such quick succession couldn’t kill them fast enough. (see such below)

Photo by bredgur

Some

I had some green eggs and ham for breakfast.

I had green eggs and ham for breakfast.

Start/ed

The hairy little alien started wriggling around trying to free itself from his grasp.

The alien wriggled to free itself from his grasp. (see adjectives above)

Such

The aliens came so swiftly and in such quick succession we couldn’t kill them fast enough.

The aliens came so swiftly and in quick succession couldn’t kill them fast enough. (see so above)

That

I was determined that I’d do whatever I could to make it easier.

I was determined to do whatever I could to make it easier.

There

There was a really big dude dressed as the Easter Bunny.

A giant dude came dressed as the Easter Bunny. (See real/ly above)

Up

She stood up and yanked off her high heels.

She stood and yanked off her high heels.

Very

The ferret was very content.

The ferret was content.

Was (used before –ing words)

The fifty-foot bunny was getting closer to me and my heart began to pound.

The fifty-foot bunny got closer and my heart pounded. (see began above)

Were

Sally and I were standing under the mistletoe.

Sally and I stood under the mistletoe.

 Photo by wwarby

Wonder, Wondered

I wonder what to do with a deranged llama.

What can I do with a deranged llama?

This is by no means an exhaustive list, so if you have your own dead-weight words, throw a bird a french fry and share them in the comments section. There are eight more installments in the Ten Writing Tighteners Series. The first was FILTERS. Next up is ECHOES. If you sign up to Follow By Email you'll automatically receive the post. 

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Ten Writing Tightener Series includes

1. Filters 10/14/13
2. Dead-weight Words 10/21/13
3. Echoes 10/28/13
4. Sentence Structure Stagnation 11/4/13
5. Redundancy 11/11/13
6. Telling vs. Showing 11/18/13
7. Voice Not Character Appropriate 11/25/13
8. Brevity Blunders 12/09/13
9. Head Hopping 12/16/13
10. Underestimating the Reader 12/23/13

* boot camp training instructor