Ten Writing Tighteners: Sentence Structure Stagnation

Photo by Leonard John Matthews

The air is warm—sweltering even, but it doesn't stop students from slogging to their first day of classes. Sliding into their seats, booting laptops, eyeing the blond fresh-meat two rows ahead, they wait for the new professor to enter. No one's had this guy before and everyone hopes he's interesting and not some boring-ass monotone-monologuer. 

Authors can have the same effect on readers as speakers have on audiences when they don't grab their attention and keep things moving. No one wants to spend months on a manuscript only to have readers lay it down after three pages.

There are butt-loads of ways to keep readers enthralled. For this particular post we're only discussing sentence structure variation. I won't go into subjects, predicates, clauses, or any other mind-numbing parts of speech I fail to recall at this moment. Everyone has suffered enough English lessons.

The below example is from my newest work in progress and NaNoWriMo effort for 2013, WANDERLUST.

Before:

I shawshanked this bitch days ago. I dug through the sheetrock. I dumped the crusted debris in small amounts down any available toilet. I sprinkled some along the edges of the flower beds. I stirred it in with the dirt and mulch at the base of the bushes. I just need to get the rest of the way through the wall. It’s almost been too easy.

They really shouldn’t allow unsupervised television viewing. They should censor the programming first. It didn’t take two days for me to devise an escape plan after The Shawshank Redemption aired. It only took four days to carry it out. It doesn’t hurt that I'm incarcerated—all right, not exactly incarcerated, they prefer a lighter term—checked-in to a minimum security facility. It doesn't even require me to cross any razor wire. I just have to hop a fence and call it done.

After:

Photo by You As A Machine

I shawshanked this bitch days ago, digging through the sheetrock and dumping the crusted debris in small amounts down any available toilet. Plus, I sprinkled some along the edges of the flower beds, stirring it in with the dirt and mulch at the base of the bushes. All I have to do is get the rest of the way through the wall. It’s been almost too easy.

They really shouldn’t allow unsupervised television viewing, without first censoring the programming. After The Shawshank Redemption aired, it didn’t take two days for me to devise an escape plan. It only took four days to carry out. Being incarcerated—all right, not exactly incarcerated, they prefer a lighter term—checked-in to a minimum security facility doesn’t hurt. I don’t even have to cross any razor wire, just hop a fence and call it done.

Photo by Horia Varlan

This is just a two paragraph example. If it were a book filled with page after page of the same sentence structure over and over—well, imagine how brain-blurring that would get. When the majority of sentences in a text follow the same patterns it can become monotonous.

Too many simple sentences strung together can feel choppy. Conversely, over use of long and intricate sentence structure will slow pacing. By varying sentence length and construction within paragraphs, writers create rhythm and flow. Use longer sentences to convey more information and shorter ones to add punch to critical points.

I'm no English major—far from it, but I do know when I'm not enjoying a read. If my mind wanders away and I can't seem to get immersed into the story, I feel somewhat cheated and a whole lot disappointed. No author wants to write that book.

What are your tricks to keep sentence structure stagnation at bay? Share in the comments section below.

For more in-depth information on this topic:

7 Solutions for Repetitive Sentence Structure

Sentence Variety and Structure

Strategies for Variation

Next week, topic #5 of the Ten Writing Tighteners Series: Redundancy. Don't miss it. Also, if you haven't read them, check out the previous post for this series, Filters, Dead-weight words, and Echoes.

Ten Writing Tightener Series includes:

1. Filters 10/14/13
2. Dead-weight Words 10/21/13
3. Echoes 10/28/13
4. Sentence Structure Stagnation 11/4/13
5. Redundancy 11/11/13
6. Telling vs. Showing 11/18/13
7. Voice Not Character Appropriate 11/25/13
8. Brevity Blunders 12/09/13
9. Head Hopping 12/16/13
10. Underestimating the Reader 12/23/13

If you found this post helpful, please share it on Facebook or tweet about it on Twitter. Also, if you are interested in the rest of the Ten Writing Tighteners Series, don't forget to FOLLOW BY EMAIL (above and right) to have posts sent directly to your inbox. I also invite you to become a member of this blog. Thank you for visiting!